Did you flush that?

So remember when I mentioned the toilet? Well, I feel that since we're talking about body functions and all, we might as well share the toilet story.  See, my grandparents had this god awful commode.  You couldn't put a piece of tissue paper into it without plugging it up so bad, that you prayed to the poop gods that the water wouldn't overflow onto the teeny rug.  What it was doing there and why somebody put a rug near a toilet is beyond me. But I'm thinking,  it was to catch the overflow which occurred on a regular basis.  Every time anyone knew came over to the house, somebody would scream, don't take a deuce.  Pretty embarrassing if you ask me.  So one day, after trying to dislodge whatever had plugged it up this time, my grandmother says, " that's it, we're buying a new crapper!" So off Nancy and Porno Bob go, to the neighbourhood hardware store.  To check out the latest in toilets.  Top of the line, no way.  we're pretty frugal around here, just a basic ceramic bowl with a handle that doesn't break off or loosen.  In arrives the new toilet, off comes the old one.  Off comes the old one...off comes the old one??? Apparently it was easier said than done.  Well, this thing had been on its base for the last 20 years, glued, stewed and pooed.  Somebody bring in another tool!  I'm afraid that's not possible, The Cough has stolen them all and we're committed to prying it off with a hammer and screwdriver.  Finally after hours of wiggling and loosening and prying, the thing comes off.  But you wouldn't believe what treats were in store as it pulled lose.  Gramma's lacy face clothes and an assortment of tea towels were all jammed up in it.  Seems to me that gramps figured it was a much cleaner way of doing his business. And the first thing I think of as they appear..."holy hell...when was the last time I washed my face!