Daily Struggles

Hey there, I'm Mavs. At least, for this blog anyway. I'm an adventurer and wanderer of sorts. I happen to also be quite the observer but never a judge. And without fail my life is constantly a story, sometimes tragedy, sometimes action, sometimes drama, but mostly a comedy. (I'd like to think I have inherited this from my Grammy).

I am not Canadian, I am American... Texan to be more exact though that was not by choice. And before you jump to conclusions and draw up every stereotype there is.... NO I don't ride horses everywhere I go and carry a gun and say words such as "Y'all, Bless Your Little Beatin' Heart, or Wait One Cotton Pickin' Minute.." I'm just a girl that can't stay in one scene too long without getting bored and always on the search for new fun friendships and a good laugh. This is my story..

So, 3 months ago I was excited to be getting married, in Vegas, to my best friend, The Suit. Little did I know this step in my life would be a giant leap where I would not only  move to a different country but gain an entire family of insanity that I have grown to love and appreciate. Don't get me wrong my family is insane as well in fact I'm willing to bet most families are, but this new family I was learning was on a-whole-nother level!...

My husband, The Suit, is quite the guy. He loves taking me to the mall and by now I'm quite sure we have created our own small rut in the road that takes us from our lovely basement suit to West Ed Mall. Where the hustle and bustle of people, especially around this time of year, is never lacking. Yesterday as Lita will mention The Suit was smelling up the place with unpleasant odor from the rear region. And it didn't stop there my friends. As we pulled into our make shift parking spot in the icy,snow winter horrorland of a lot of the mall our car had been turned into a fart box with limited air supply. "I HAVE TO GET OUT! I CAN'T BREATHE!" I thought as I threw open the car door and gasped for clean crisp air as if I had been choking on fart steam and close to suffocation. The struggle was real. I'm not sure what he ate but HOLY SMOKES.
Anyway as I'm walking around the car finally gaining back my sanity my shoes I can tell are not good with ice and snow. I feel my feet shaking as I try to keep balance which I fail and bust my ass or side ass really and in turn get ice and slush all over me. Daily Struggles.
The Suit helps me up thankfully and doesn't laugh (surprised me a little bit because its always funny when someone falls down) and even dusts me off. "Maybe" I thought, "its his way of apologizing for that agonizing ride..."
The Mall was packed as it should be with rhinos and elephants stampeding for sales and looking for the next way to spend their dollar .. eerrr excuse me I mean Loonie. We spent a couple hours milling about dodging the crazies of the mall, keeping my cool in the bookstore as The Suit does what The Suit does and visiting our pets in the pet store. All the while, the farts and stink continue to get worse.....
As I'm talking to The Suit as we are walking toward our exit I notice he is not paying much attention.. this is nothing new as he always has thoughts and plans cranking away.. but he was gaining speed in his step and I had to ask what was up. "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM IMMEDIATELY BEFORE I POOP MY PANTS." Oooookaayyyy... and we were off bee lining it to the bathroom to ensure there would be no poopy pants.
As he comes out, there is an aura around him like he's in a much better place which instantly puts me in a better mood thinking and hoping that the farts have now ceased, at least for the evening, and I can enjoy the car ride home but I was wrong.....
We get back to the car, without any calamities, and hop inside with red noses and frozen appendages. (It was -23545 or something close to that I believe in Celsius...) I see The Suit adjusting in his seat as we start our trek home which only means one thing.. A FART.  - You see The Suit has this theory that if he lifts up his ass it helps the fart flow........ I'll keep my thoughts on this theory to myself. - The smell hits us instantly and my eyes water and my throat closes up and all I could think of was any and every escape route. "AGHHH" I yelled "WHAT DIED INSIDE OF YOU AND NOW IS TRYING TO MAKE AN ESCAPE?!?!?"   The Suit replies with a simple, "It's bad baby, its real bad." As if I had been unaware. He continues "It's like a combustion of carbs inside of me" - oh the amazing things you learn from google search -  "You guys get it so good. I get it first hand at least your getting second hand whiffs" ..What is his cigarette smoking? .. "I basically have to smell my own poop"   " WELL ITS BETTER THAN HAVING TO SMELL SOMEONE ELSES POOP WHICH IS WHAT I'M HAVING TO ENDURE!" I replied between quick breaths. The fart box was back and I was sure to die.  Daily Struggles.
Sleep finally came and I woke up the next morning to The Suit having washed the dishes, again I thought "This must be his apology" And all was good in the world again... for now.