Did you die?

So I'm accustomed to walking face first into all kinds of smells. Granny's homemade cinnamon buns, noodles boiling the shit out of themselves on the stove, garlic, lots and lots of garlic. The smell of dishrag, yes it has a smell, I know, I got a good whiff of it when I did the mounds of dishes that The Bickersons left behind while indulging on granny's lovely tomato bisque.   It smells something like dead shoe.  Yeah that would sum it up. I threw it out when no one was looking.  Asked for another one.  And proceeded to wash every cup in the cupboard.  See, Mavs and I play this game with each other.  Who can have a cup of coffee in the filthiest mug and not need a flu shot.  Its just about the rinse and stick.  Stick it to anything basically. Your shirt, your hand, whatever surface that doesn't have a crumb on it. Yesterday Mavs was looking for a teabag, i suggested not reaching for the ones in the box. Whats in the box you ask? well, just a nice dose of squirty bum tea.  Grampa likes to take laxatives and this is by far the least evasive way to indulge. I'm just be thankful that they have a new toilet.  That's a whole other story!

 I have to say something before I continue.  I love my family to pieces, we're a weird wacky bunch of nuts.  Mavs and I are just making light out of a whole crazy situation and frankly nobody would believe us when we tell you our stories.  I wouldn't believe them either if I hadn't lived within its walls for almost half a decade. This is our story...

Back to the smells.  So after I wash all the dishes in the house I venture down the stairs where Mavs is sitting on the edge of the couch listening to The Suit banter about goals and visions and deadlines.  And all I can think about is...Did you fart? Seriously dude, did you just die a little bit inside? What is that smell? I grab one of their enormous cushions on the couch and start flapping it in the air like some crazy pelican.  See The Suit has the best laugh in the world, when he laughs you can't help but give in and start laughing yourself.  He thinks farts are the funniest thing in the world.  And realistically, I don't know what this guy has eaten today but his ass won't quit.  One leg goes up, an asscheek and kapow...there goes off another round of ass bullets. Mavs just looks at me and shakes her head.  "He's all mine, I found his insoles from his work boots earlier in the bathroom sink." If he's not standing on the stink, he's sitting on the stink.